my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
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