No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Randomize
