Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
