just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Randomize
