is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
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So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
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