i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
