she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
