as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Randomize
