i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
