last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
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