He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the liver wants what the liver wants
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
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