You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
I wish i was in the wii world.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
