oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
