we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
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At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
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The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
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