He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Who put my cat in the fridge?
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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