So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
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