Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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