His hands were made for my vagina.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
