I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
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