Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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