I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Randomize
