You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Randomize
