You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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