Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
