Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
