How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Randomize