You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
i just had sex bonerless
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
