I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
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