Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
my being single is dangerous.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
This baby is an asshole
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
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