Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
