I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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