Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
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