Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
