Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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