When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Omg I joined a choir last night...
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
