So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
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