Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Randomize
