If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
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