hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Randomize
