I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
