i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
My bed is full of blood and feathers
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
