i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
