I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
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