You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
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Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
He better not be in your backpack
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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