Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Randomize
