ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
