She is in my trunk
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
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