Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
