Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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