Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
