dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
