I could have mohawked her pubes.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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