Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Randomize
