I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
3pm strippers are depressing
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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