Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
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