im drinking this country out of the recession.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Randomize
