u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
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