Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
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