idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
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