I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
