shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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