Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Green mimosas i think yes
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
