Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
