i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize
