If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
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