i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
