Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
