shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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