dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
I stole a fireplace last night.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize
