this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
