Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
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