There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
