My room smells like vodka and shame
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
