Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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