I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
