Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
My ass is underappreciated
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Randomize
