so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Randomize
