his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
